I definelty won't - can't - see the male caseworker. They do home visits and I just could not cope with that - it feels far too threatening for me. I don't really want to talk to him on the phone - and to be honest I don't think he is saying he is her fill in - he just contacted me to say she is off sick, my app is cancelled. When I asked about support he said he will 'keep in touch' but I heard nothing for the week and now just another txt saying exactly the same as last time - that B is off sick, our app is canclled.
I did consider phoning the main office to ask about some support - I decided not too because to have it confirmed there is no back up support, would be pretty devastating for me right now. Maybe if / when things are less fragile I might.
I do want to email her. Just to let her know my support system she helped set up for me while she was away, has fallen apart.
This afternoon I've struggled with feeling my T is even real - I go through periods of really wondering if she exists at all - maybe I imagined her. If I was in her office I'd want 'proof' she is real - or what I sharpening is real - that I really am in the office and she really is there.
It's hard to explain but it's a freaking awful feeling
