Yeah, Scott, Robin and Jo, these concepts are not easy to put into sound bites and I appreciate your thoughts on the issues. I recently re-worded the first email to better reflect the idea around a therapist's knowledge. I didn't mean to downplay it so much. I wanted to emphasize that the "talking out of our story" is less important than the "experiencing of our story in the presence of another".

I certainly find that my knowledge of neuroscience helps frame symptoms for clients in a way that seems to be really helpful. I certainly know that's how it was for me when I first learned these concepts from my therapist. But if it was the knowledge alone, I could easily get that from a lecture or a book. No, it was my relationship with my therapist that helped me get to an embodied place within myself.

A therapist's knowledge is really important but it's important because of how he or she "lives" it. I know in my personal therapy, my therapist's clarity of her own boundaries has had an impact on my own boundary setting in my relationships. I've learned from her not so much in what she says but how she manages the boundaries in my work with her.

S&R, you mentioned the influence of training. Now, some would argue that a well-balanced individual would know good boundaries intuitively and understand the subtleties of building a good relationship. In this case, they might say, training is less important. I don't have an answer to that. It's very possible that some folks pursue higher education because they are intensely curious about finding what works. Others may pursue higher ed for reasons related to their ego (and hence may not make good therapists). I feel strongly that there are some psychiatrists and doctorate level therapists who harm their clients because they feel their techniques are what count overriding the needs of the client. I believe there are therapists with much less education doing marvelous work. There's just too much harm going on out there for me to say much about credentials.

What impresses me more are therapists who do experiential workshops. It's there that they really put themselves out there to learn and grow. I'm also obviously impressed with therapists who continue to do their own work either through ongoing supervision or personal therapy.

As for skills. I think it's very handy for a therapist to have many ideas in the toolkit to help clients recover especially as I said above through workshops (as opposed to lectures). However, here again, if the connection is lost, these skills are not going to help much. For instance, if my therapist attempts to help me to ground when I don't want to and I feel it's an intrusion to my process, I'll buck up against it.

In regards to getting help from a friend. I certainly feel that those around us, have the potential to change us. Few friends however take the risks I think that therapists do in challenging their clients. I believe therapy offers a more focused intent on that goal as you all seem to be saying. It consolidates the efforts of both parties. And, as Jo added, the therapist leaves his or her stuff at the door (to the degree that it's possible). This gives more freedom to the client to move through emotional stuff more easily.

I'm sure I can say more and I probably will once I sleep on these ideas. Thanks again for your comments.

Shrinklady