I do hope also that you will call to talk with someone that can be with you in person or on the phone through this. A hotline like the one above is a great resource, please don't hesitate to use it. Please be safe and if there is anyone you can be with now until these feelings ease up please do.
Here's also an online chat resource: https://www.imalive.org/
and another phone resource: 1-800-784-2433 The National Hopeline Network
Please keep in touch with us here too. I'm so sorry things are so rough right now