You are amazing. I have been around for 3 and a bit years and I remember you going back to OLD t to see him. I have always been close to your story as I was terminated brutally a year after you. I know the deep damage it has done to us both and to others.

This is my 3 year anniversary and I never thought that I would be able to handle it, but I am. The positive relationships with new T's replace some of the hurt from the OLD t. I don't dream of OLD T anymore, but I still do stop in the street if I see someone that looks a bit like her and I have to tell my brain that it isn't her. Sometimes the trauma, the smell, the memories, the triggers - just grab you and take the wind out of your lungs once in a while.

But now it is occasional for me and not every minute of the day. I am healing very slowly, but I am healing.

The legacy however is our poor NEW T's. They have had to deal with our behaviours, emotions and irrational brains and be witness to our deep, deep pain. I have given my lovely T a terrible time of it as I have punished her, screamed, cried and tortured her as she received the backlash of what I went through. My poor T who is incredibly patient, kind and unwaivering in her support and here is me 3 years later still fighting and kicking and telling her that I am terminating her so she won't do it to me. Sometimes that old stuff just rolls out before I realise what I am doing.

Our new T's seem to be very similar in their support. We are both lucky to have found them. I am glad you have your T TN, he is just what you needed and deserved to help you heal.

Thinking of you on this day
SD.