Hi Monte, thank you for posting this!
And thank you so much, Erica, for your reply.
I could have written the exact same words. I often feel like I'm not entitled to the pain I feel because, as was the case with you, I was not actively abused. So for many, many years, I kept my suffering buried and told myself I was weak, overreacting and full of selfpity. Last year, in a conversation with my GP and homeopath, her questioning about my family background led her to exclaim "but you suffered a terrible lack of maternal love". Hearing that somehow validated my lifelong feelings of emotional neglect and all the shame and feelings of being unlovable, unimportant, too needy etc, even repulsive. My mother was exhausted and extremely unhappy by the time I came along. I was her sixth pregnancy, my father was unfaithful and violent and on top of that she lost her mother two months before I was born. My father left her and his children when I was four and died when I was nine. It is extremely difficult to acknowledge and accept that she did not give me the care and attention I needed, as she herself was a victim of circumstances. But as you so wisely stated: I too should have been attended to and it do matter. Letting that trickle down, has been a healing experience. Having those early needs acknowledged and to a certain extent met by my invaluable T, has for the first time in my life, instilled me with a sense that I do matter. Emotional neglect, intentional or not, can wreak havoc in a child.
Thank you so much Erica, for your couragous words.