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I find this a very interesting discussion, as it is something that is on my mind a lot. My T is somewhat distant and cool most of the time, but sometimes she suddenly start behaving differently. More mumsy, warmer... usually, those are the moment I experience problems with the boundaries that should be there. Nevertheless, I'd love to hear her say 'I love you'. Two things though.

One, in my mother tongue the equivalent of 'I love you' is only used between lovers and occasionally between parents/children. It would be weird for a T to say it to a patient, that's for sure. I can't come up with an equivalent that would be appropriate in such a relationship. However, it would mean the world to me if she did tell me that she loves me. Obviously, she hasn't. If I allow myself to accept it, I can feel that she cares about me.

But, two, I find it very useful to think about these things from the Ts points of view. Although I'd love for my T to love me, I can see how it borders on something impossible for the T. Forming too deep an attachment to someone who will likely 'go their own way', could potentially be very difficult for the T. I've experienced something similar as a teacher. Although I did care a lot about my students, I had to keep some sort of distance in order to be able to stay sane and live my own life outside school hours. Loving a student would mean I wouldn't be able to stay detached when it concerned issues that were not mine to help the student deal with. Also, inevitably, students as well as patients, move on. To have someone that you love disappear would, I imagine, hurt. That might be ok once or twice, but not with every patient, year in year out.

I apologise if this is slightly off topic!

May
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