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Classical Personal Therapy Stories

I can't trust new T

armoredheart
I hope that, too. Thankfully, I haven't had any gut-deep concerns about my T crossing the line - just my general paranoia. At last session, I talked about my fear of connecting with him, that it was causing alarm bells to go off in my head because of my past experience with men, that it was hard to accept that he didn't want anything from me, etc. He said all of that was totally understandable and that my psyche was functioning just as it should. He said the natural process of connecting...Read More...

Found a new T...

elsewhererevisited
I'm so happy for you Elsewhere. Especially that you find her nice and similar approach to your old T. I understand the sad feelings with it though - perhaps it's processing the ending with your old T (ending as in unexpected rupture due to her being off sick unexpectedly). Also relate to having to pay a lot to see a T. I do too. Some weeks I pay the same as my mortgage payments for the treatment I need and I'm still recovering financially from 3 months off sick without any income from the...Read More...

So that's it

elsewhererevisited
Elsewhere I am so so so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you are going through . It's one of my huge yet unspoken about fears if mine that my T will get pregnant and go on maternity leave. Because if my issues with 'motherhood' for me it would feel a worse betrayal than if she just terminated me. I don't knw where you live or what system you're in - I'm assuming it's a public system? Is there ANY chance you can go privately to see a T? Even if you...Read More...

The "real" dream...

I would be grossed out too at the suggestion it was my mother I 'really' wanted to hold me - no way. Like. BLT - my mother held me too. In a lot of ways she was a so called typical middle class housewife married to a man of good standing in the community. She baked us birthday cakes and held us birthday parties. She knitted and sewed my younger sister and I matching outfits. She fostered our love of reading, took us to the movies, on picnics, ice-skating. In winter she even stood outside in...Read More...
AG and Mallard, I will definitely look up those books. Knowledge has been a life saver for me. I'm deep into regression with my T now and I just don't know how I could make it through such strong emotions without knowing what's going on. Thanks a million!Read More...
Thanks SB. I really really struggle with the concept of 'it's safe in the here and now' - I really really struggle with that because the flashbacks are so real and cos they are so SEAMLESS - the past and present float together in and out and I get so dissociated... And the feelings are so damn awful I'm unable to tolerant them even for the 'few seconds' they are there I used to be told 'just tell yourself you're an adult now , you have more choices, you're safe' but then I went through the...Read More...

Intense Erotic Transference - please help

Hello Affinity, Thank you so much for you reply. And many many thanks to your helpful tips. I will practice them starting now. I'm sorry you too have are going through this painful process. I know each day gets better. Even though I hate that you went through it, it's good to know I'm not alone in my feelings and obsessions. Last Friday, I decided once and for all to send her an email to have MY formal closing session. I told her how she hurt me and gave explicit examples of how she crossed...Read More...

Gobsmacked

affinity
Yes. My T has actually said all of the above on a couple of occasions. The ET does a lot of different (seemingly contradictory) things for me: distracts from my pain, simulates intimacy, keeps me from real (scary) intimacy, feeds my (false) sense of power, feeds my shame, etc. T and I discussed this a little bit yesterday. He said the little girl inside of me has (age-inappropriate) erotic desires caused by abuse. Of course, it would be horrifically destructive to cater to those desires.Read More...
I was wondering if you gave your therapist the stone ElizaJ before she left and what her reaction was? I have given my therapist a few things over the years , but never anything before a break.It is quite a comforting idea that she would have something with her I think. I would die for a note.My therapist would never write a note, so I am particularly jealous that you may of gotten one .Read More...

Traumatized again because of treatment

I think anyone other than those with the mildest of issues might find therapy once every 2 months inadequate to say the least. Your feelings of retraumatisation, longing for that connection, abandonment and pain are understandable in this situation. Is there a way of finding someone to work with you, who can 'be there' more for you? All therapists have boundaries and limitations, but not as difficult as those you currently have. I get the screaming in your head thing. Maybe try to do a...Read More...

I need some encouragement

Thank you for your responses. I was so busy at work I didn't get anytime on the computer and I was run off my feet. It is tiring being that busy but it does keep me from obsessing about therapy and my T. I do have two more sessions before my vacation. Tomorrow and Monday afternoon. So I do have another chance to discuss a phone session with him. TN, I am sorry that you have chronic hip pain. I can certainly understand using pain killers because the pain is constant and so exhausting. My T...Read More...

I miss her so much

rachel 2
Yay for having been through this long time! You can e proud of yourself (and you can build a fake Advent Calendar, I do that often, when waiting for something!)Read More...

Is it legal to dump a client...

chezza
Hi Chezza... thank you for your very thoughtful reply to my post. I am happy to hear that you have found someone who understands you and even uses your name which I think is SO important to establishing that special connection. I am glad you added your review to exC's advertisement. I felt very much like you in my wish to spare others what I have been through. It should never happen and yet it does, time and time again. It's the dirty secret of therapy in that no one talks about it and if...Read More...
Letting our session sink in some more - the positives are that when I asked if she had heard if a transitional object she said yes and then gave a perfect explanation if what it is She said this more common in psychotherapy. She was trying to find out what would be helpful - ie should she write something as well as the time and date if our next app? What sort if thing would be helpful? An acknowledgment of my abandonment and how it feels a validating how I feel is very real and very...Read More...

How do you trust again?

armoredheart
(((SD))) I'm so sorry you've also gone through this It's just the worst... healing from the original wounds is challenging enough without any added layers. It breaks my heart to hear of others who feel the pain of it- I thought it would kill me. I agree that trusting is a long process, esp after it's gone wrong before. It seems there is a lot of back and forth, testing the waters. I'm glad that things are still going forward with your T and repairs happen more quickly, that's a great sign...Read More...

Stuck in Session

moto
you can do it (bring it up if he doesn't next session) Funny, but as great at their jobs as they are, out Ts are not mind readers Never assume they 'got' something you hinted at - especially if it's something really important to you. Cos if he didn't understand or get the deeper meaning to you saying you 'feel tired' (which is very broad and general) and therefore doesn't being it up, it leaves you at risk of feeling really really hurtRead More...

Therapy Update

True North
TN I'm so happy for you being able to express what had been incredibly painful and bottled up for so long!! That took mega-courage! it's awesome your understood. My T is like yours in really REALLY wanting me to express ANYTHING to her - and ESPECIALLY if it's something she has said or done that has left me wounded (her word - wounded describes it perfectly!). She reminds me so often, it's reassuring - I like to think the more our Ts say it, the more it sinks in. I know it has for me - I DO...Read More...
Thank you (((s-b)))) for caring and being there, all you wrote was very kind of you. I am grateful for the support, some of this stuff is too heavy to face alone. I've started struggling with questioning myself if I made the right choices, so it does help to have validation again, helps keep me from beating myself up too muchRead More...

Sexual Tension?

affinity
My goodness, so many replies! Thank you, everyone! I'm so sorry I've been absent from the boards over the past few days. I've been exhausted beyond belief and emotionally fragile to boot. Responding is getting harder and harder. I did see T on Saturday and had 'the talk.' I did preface it with "I think this has more to do with me than with you." He was pretty much on point with his response, neither admitting or denying whatever feelings he might have. Talk about relief! We did discuss ET in...Read More...

Boundaries

Hi Monte, PF, SB, and SF Thank you for sharing your insight and experiences with me. As I look back over my two years of therapy I can see the progress I've made in this area. And as my T has pointed out to me, I won't feel really relaxed and open until my nervous system tells me it's safe to do so. And right now my nervous is, well, nervous LongRoadRead More...
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