i don't like chang! but we talked abut it for a lon time afore we did this. i stil can phone her wen i wana. but her cant alwais cal bak i tol her i guna liv in her waitin rum but 'dat's not ok' HAHA! her alwais says that one! i tol her sometime her oughta just say 'NO' and her say 'NO, i don't say no!' HAHA her hasa sense of humur

i tried to throw a pilow at her sprinkler system. and then i jumped on the sofa and wanded to jump over and grab the sprinkler thing outa the celing. but her grabbed me and wudn't let me.

sumtims i forget the body is 44 and 5'6" and about 180 lbs! imagine my T at 5'2" and 56 yrs. old (i think) tryin to stop me! HAHA!

i supose it were a sight to see!

it's hard to live in an old body

samy

quote:

sumtims i forget the body is 44 and 5'6" and about 180 lbs! imagine my T at 5'2" and 56 yrs. old (i think) tryin to stop me! HAHA!

ROFL! THAT'S a hilarious image. I love it. LOL!

It sounds like you are handling the change pretty good, though I am sure it is not easy. Change is very hard especially when it comes to something that has been so helpful and significant in our lives.

I just want to let you know I am thinking of all of you.

JM

Hey Samy,
My name is Charlotte and it's nice to meet you. I have only been on this forum for about a month. I enjoy reading all the information I can get about others that are in transference with their T's. i have made many new friends here! If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been in therapy, and are you ready to give it up or was it your T's decision. I hope I never have to reach that bridge...but I guess we all will...or it wasn't doing any good anyway right?...but I hope it's a long time for me...It's my favorite hour of the week...sorta like being addicted to a TV show I guess...I don't let anything get in the way of my sessons. I'm glad you seem to be getting along okay. Good Luck to you my new friend!

JM, what's up new in your life my friend? I had a pretty bad day on Wednesday... I was so anxious and stressed...it really got to me! I felt like my head was about to crawl off my body...I ended up having to take a nerve pill at work...I felt like I was gonna break over...but when I heard my T's voice on the other end of that phone, it was like a fix for an addict... I melted and felt like I could do anything...He usually has his secretary call back, but i am glad he did...it made me feel even closer to him than before ...is that a good thing??

Well, everyone,
I have alot of paperwork to do before bed...so talk to you soon...Charlotte

hi charolette! nice to meets you. in case you not figured it out, i am in a DID system, that is 'dissociative identity disorder'. that means there lots us in this body. the body is 44 but i is 14.

we is all goin to school. we used to talk our T in the mornin, and then on one night a week. we cant talk in the mornin none cuz we is going to school.

there is lots going on always for us. so like one mornin we would give like a catch up and whatever to talk abut on the evenin session.

it has to hapen, like we not talk in the mornin, because of our school.

school is borin for me HAHA

i don't always type proper cuz i have OCD. but i know how to actuali. i have an IQ of 165. i tuked a test on that. so i very smart. i mostly good with numbers. part of that is me OCD thing. i like to do Sudoku. i lik the feel of sand. i like the beach. and i like to climb trees HAHA onli can't no more drats!

samy
p.s. it's samantha lyn but mostly i is called samy with a 'y' ok.

Hi Dude...I think your kool!!...Most people with those kind of things going on would be in denial up to their hipbones...Good for you that you can straight out tell somebody what going on!!..Don't worry about typing correctly...I'm used to it...I'm a teacher in High School..I see it everyday...to tell you the truth...I'm not to keen on typing either...but it is nice to talk to you, keep in touch my new buddy!! Gotta run..Charlotte

Do you ever have a "bad transference day" when you think of your transference object way more than you had been for awhile? I'm having one of those days. I looked at his house on Google Streetview and then read about a marathon he ran in recently. Then I felt sad that he is living his life without me, like why am I not with him?

I am upset and annoyed with myself.

I can guess I am using it to avoid something (like work...) but I am just so frustrated!

Hi SprintingGal

Absolutely. I’ve done the same thing (Googling street view), and I like how you put it “feeling sad that he (she) is living his (her) life without me.” That is exactly how I feel. My T runs too and I often imagine her and me running together. It is a part of her I strongly desire to have, but I know that I can’t. The feelings are so conflictual, but once again running to the safety of their professional boundaries is so very secure and exactly where we need to be.

I hope it helps to know you are understood and not alone and that you are feeling less annoyed with yourself. It is part of the territory for some clients. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

You also said something very insightful when you mentioned that you are using it to avoid something. Some of us have realized that to be true. Some of us recognize that transference (which is feeling the past in the present) seems to stir up whenever we are about to traverse into something very big from the deep abyss of our past. You will learn to work with it, but until then, take it easy on yourself. This is ok. Think roller coaster... and sometimes Demon Drop.

BTW: When is your next appointment with your T? We all sort of keep a running countdown between appointments.

Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask the obvious question per your screen name: Do you run? I love to run although I do not do so as much as I would like to or as well as I used to when I was in high school.

Talk to you later,
JM

Hi JM,

Thank you for concuring with that feeling about him living his life without me. Here I thought I was nuts! This is the totally out of reach Dr. X, not my T (whom I am seeing Thursday). I hate the boundaries. They don't help me feel secure; they just annoy me and I wish they were not there. I don't want any boundaries. One thing I have been thinking a lot is "why did I have to meet him like this?" When I know darn well that I could have ONLY met him like this. I'm just so, so, so frustrated.

I just started running myself a few months ago; I can't go that far for too long yet but I am getting there. I really want to run a 5K in the next few months. I probably wouldn't have ever started if I didn't know he ran as well but I do enjoy it. I had no healthful modeling at home. Recreation was eating and watching tv so I am trying to take pieces from here and there to create my own healthy life. I used to be very overweight.

Well, I have felt like my sessions with my T have hit the wall and we aren't making any progress. It might be that I am just exhausted from the events of the last six months and can't make any progress. So I doubt a big breakthrough is in the works. I do have a meeting with my interim supervisor in an hour and that always makes me really anxious!

SprintingGal

I’m sorry I went right into “transference means T” mode. I did not mean to forget Dr. X. How could I forget Dr X?? Forgive me?

Yeah so of course the whole “secure in the boundaries” thing is a pretty useless statement. Sorry for that too. But what remains the same is that you are not nuts and what you are going through is completely understandable. Here you are normal and among friends.

quote:

Well, I have felt like my sessions with my T have hit the wall and we aren't making any progress. It might be that I am just exhausted from the events of the last six months and can't make any progress.

I hate that for you and I really hope that changes for you too.

Would you like a laugh?? I can barely run a 1/4 mile at a time right now w/o getting out of breath, but I am doing better than I was a year ago. And as for creating your own healthy lifestyle, transference works as a good motivator for that too. (But then we really need to do it for oursleves)

JM

What didn’t I miss while my T was out of town for 3 weeks?? Waiting in “call back limbo.” (a phrase I stole from somewhere)

I am trying to get in to see my T for an extra appointment this week. (trying to make up for lost time) She offered one for tomorrow afternoon, but I declined due to a previously scheduled event, and then upon hanging up I immediately went into hyper ventilating and panic attack! After hours of needless suffering I finally summoned up the courage to call her AGAIN to see if that appointment is still available. But I am now afraid that she won’t get that message in time to call me back tonight. –Just like old times!(insert emoticon beating self in head here)

jm:

2 more days....ONLY....lol

LOL!
Hey AJB!
Actually I just spoke to my T and she has that extra appointment available for me tomorrow afternoon, so I get to see my T tomorrow AND Wednesday!

Do I hear applause?? Is everyone shouting with relief; “Finally we get to stop hearing from JM “My T is gone, I haven’t seen my T is sooo long. Wha!…” LOL! Actually you’ve all been great and thank you for helping me get through this. Hopefully I wasn’t too obnoxious. Even so, I am sure I will find plenty things to post on in the near future.

i am so happy for you and SOOOOOOOOOOOO jealous too. i'm getting anxious about my upcoming session too. i can't wait to get there, but then when it's time, i start worrying that he may schedule my next appt in 3 or 4 weeks. crazy, huh? and what in the world will we talk about this time? oh well, i have TWO more days to obsess about it. hope you have a good one tomorrow. let us know.

JM,
That is SO awesome! You did it, you made it through. You should be so proud of yourself. And you weren't even close to obnoxious! Let us know how it goes!

AJB,
I hate when you start worrying about the end of the session before you get there, but I totally understand. Happens all the time! And its ok for you to talk to your T about coming weekly (as long as finances aren't a problem, I'm not sure if you were on that schedule for that reason, or that's how often your T recommended coming in.) In either case,you sound pretty normal to me. At least, for around here.

AG

Hi All,
I bit the bullet and took Samy's excellent, insightful and intelligent suggestion to start a new transference topic as this one is getting a little unwieldy. So this discussion will be continued in

Transference Part II

I also put a backtrack link in the new topic.

See ya there!

AG

Hi AG and JM and others,

just thought I would write in to let you know how I am travelling. I found myself with friends and someone I am working with as a mentor. As we spent the day together, I became aware of an inner state of tension, as my mentor was paying attention to another friend. The others began to eat lunch and I separated myself off to experience my feelings - becoming stronger each moment. I realised that I really needed my mentor to come. My friend who was there with me, supporting me, said did I want her to get the mentor. I immediately recognised the moment was about attachment and declined. In the needing, I was able to experience and release the held body memory of needing and not getting - through a rather loud involuntary sound. Felt good to me! As the waves subsided, my mentor entered the room and my friend left. When asked my mentor said to me that she didnt feel to come into the room until the actual time that she did. The circumstances were in Divine timing. We talked and moved on with the day.

There may be more energy to be released on this trauma, however, for me this now means that there is less in the way in my friendship with my T. I spent the evening with her and her family the other night, which was very relaxing. It is interesting how I had chosen a T, who has similarities to my mother/parents, including in some ways the way she relates to her partner. The universe works in mysterious ways to provide reflections of who we are.

I am still aware of the presence of sexual energy in thinking about my T and at times being in her presence. I believe this is part of the next layer of "stuff" wanting to move so that the life force that has been repressed can be allowed its right of passage - ie energy for living and loving and full expression of who I am in the world. I look forward to a weekend womens workshop being conducted by my T, to see what will emerge from the deep dark ravines of the Goddess.

May the Truth be with You and speak through you.

Em.

quote:

I spent the evening with her and her family the other night, which was very relaxing. It is interesting how I had chosen a T, who has similarities to my mother/parents, including in some ways the way she relates to her partner.

is your mentor a different person than your T?
are you saying you spent an evening at your T's house?

just wanting some clarifying before i reply...

antoni

Em,
I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond to this post, but I have been really struggling with what to say. I want to be really supportive to what you're going through but I also want to be really honest with you. You sound very grounded and like you are staying very aware and present as you work through this, which is no small thing.

But some of the things that you said I found troubling. I may be projecting my own problems and struggles on to you so take this with a grain of salt. There's a good chance that I'm just not as far along my healing path as you are on yours. But you speaking of feeling tension because you're mentor was talking to someone else and how simply it was resolved makes me worry that there is more going on than you are looking at and being conscious of, and doing this in an environment where the boundaries are not clear feels really dangerous to me. Then you said

quote:

It is interesting how I had chosen a T, who has similarities to my mother/parents, including in some ways the way she relates to her partner.

and that sounded really scary. My parents and how they related are part of what has left me so damaged. The very troubles that took me to therapy in the first place were because I was finding people like my parents and unconsciously trying to fix what went wrong the first time through. The fact that you see similarities to your mother/parents makes me worry that there is a serious amount of countertransference going on with your T so that instead of working through these feelings, you are actually engaging in the same patterned dance that you've always experienced. I am really sorry if this seems too harsh, I really am speaking up out of concern for you.

And I know I could be wildly far of the mark but I felt like it would be wrong not to speak up. Thank you for coming and talking about what your experience is. I really appreciate your openess. I hope I haven't chased you off.

AG

is your mentor a different person than your T?
are you saying you spent an evening at your T's house?

just wanting some clarifying before i reply...

antoni[/QUOTE]

Hi Antoni. The mentor I speak about is a new friend who is teaching me some new skills. My T is not the same person. And I did spend an informal evening with my T, at her home.

Hi AG,

I appreciate your concern. I was holding my own space in that interaction with my mentor. and received good advice from this forum on what it was I was dealing with - which helped me to hold my space.

Yeah, sure, there is a lot more being uncovered and this is not just a simple release. It is one of the many layers in releasing myself from the chains that bind. I trust the Divine to present the opportunities to bring me closer to my true nature and release me from the past patterns of defence and entrenched defensive behaviour.

I hear your concern about countertransference and can only bring myself back to trust the process of life - which is in essence a therapeutic experience when I learn from my mistakes and celebrate my Truth. You must remember that we are no longer in a one to one therapeutic relationship. We are travelling together at this point into places that feel uncertain - and I trust myself to know and when I dont, I trust myself to find my way through and find the words and the questions to ask.

Here I am explaining myself and my experience of life and trying to justify something that is outside of "normal" procedure. This is my whole life - being on the outside of normal - trying to look and be normal, instead of the truth of who I am and what I feel. I feel I have a greater chance to find myself in this way than through other ways on offer that I know of. It is a risk and an adventure, and the people I am with are far more willing to turn their tools on themselves and to grow and learn with me and from me. That feels like the Truth to me.

Perhaps I am on a dangerous tangent - and so be it. However, I am willing to take the risk to feel alive and deeply connected and conscious.

Thank you for speaking up and providing me with an opportunity for reflection and the chance to hold my own sacred point of view in the face of a different opinion, and to speak my Truth - the things I know from my experience - often wildly different from others. However, I have found over time that I can appreciate and really value both the unity and the diversity I share with other people as we relate with our Truth in the moment. I feel connected and yet can appreciate my own talents and potential. At those times, I believe peace is possible.

Speak your Truth so that you may hear.
Em

Em,
Thank you for that very generous reply, I am glad that you were able to see that I was coming from a place of concern. But its obvious that you are very aware of all the issues and are prepared to deal with them.I think that the boundaries have been SO important to me in dealing with these issues that I'm assuming that has to be true for everyone and I know better than that.I really do believe that our healing path is as unique as we are. We can understand some of the places, experiences and feelings of other people enough to lend support but no two people will go exactly the same way to get better.

And your willingness to risk in order to feel alive and deeply connected and conscious is at the heart of living a life worth living.

And I don't believe in "normal" procedures. And I wouldn't want you feeling like you have to conform to some ideal of mine. I've done my fair share of heading off in directions that other people have looked at askance and many times I've done the right thing despite how it looked to others. You are very clear about what you're doing, what the dangers and issues are and what resources you have to deal with them. It is impossible to do more than that.

Thank you for allowing me to speak and better yet, hearing me. I wish you blessings and peace on your journey. And it would be good to continue hearing about how you're doing. You provide a perspective very different from mine which is always a good thing. Take care.

AG

Hello,

I've never used a site like this and am very nervous about this whole idea but here it goes...

I have been in marriage counseling for 2 years now. My therapist has done a wonderful job at keeping my marriage together. Without her, I don't believe I would still be married today. The problem is that every time my wife and I go to counseling sessions, the stronger my feeling get for my therapist. I have become completely infatuated with her. I can't stop thinking about her. I know she is happily married and loves her job. She would NEVER jeopardize her career or marriage for me. Since I know this to be true, I have become extremely heart broken. I'm pretty sure that my T and my wife have no idea about my feelings. It's hard to keep this kind of stuff inside.

There is no way I could tell my T how I feel. She would surely tell my wife and then their would be a huge problem. I'm not sure if she would handle the situation or refer us to someone else. I think I should suggest to wife that we get a new marriage counselor. But I would hate not seeing her anymore. I guess eventually I would get over it.

I hope you can help me.

Thanks.

Thank Dragonfly and June,

To answer some of your questions Dragonfly, what I know about my T's credentials is that she is a licenesed marriage and family therapist. I have had private sessions with her before, so I could meet with her alone. You may be right that she wouldn't tell my wife but my fear is that if I told her how I feel and she did decide to refer my wife and I to someone else, I may have to explain why. OR, she may come up with a more general reason to explain to my wife to make things easier.

I have read that marriage therapists are not the best when it comes to transference because they don't necessarily believe in the idea. Thoughts anyone?

June, you may be right about the confidential thing. I didn't think about that. I'm just not sure how it would work sine she also has to help with my marital issues. It depends on how she prioritizes the issues I guess.

Just knowing that somebody has read my post has made feel better. Keeping all this inside has been hard. I read a lot of this thread a month ago and reading it made me feel better for a short time. I hope that I can get over this soon. It's just that every time I go, all the feelings come back. Weeks go by, I start to feel better then it's time to see her again. And every time, the feelings come back even stronger. I suppose telling her my feelings before I try to leave makes sense, I just don't know if I can bring myself to do it.

But thank you both for your thoughts. They are greatly appreciated! I will take this info. to heart.

Hi STRAHP,
I want to say hello and welcome to the forum, I'm glad you posted. I was in a very similar position. My husband and I started seeing his therapist for marital counseling and while working with him together I developed a strong attachment. I did go to him and tell him how I felt (terrified I would be sent away) but instead it led to my working with him individually. I was very blessed in that I have a very understanding husband, so I was very open with him and told him how I felt right after I told our T and we were all able to discuss it when we needed to. This worked for us because my T is a boundary ninja and did a really good job keeping the relationship safe and theraputic and I think I did a pretty good job, despite how intense and painful it could get, of keeping my focus on healing. But examining the relationship between us and my feelings for my T were key to my healing. It turned out really well. My marriage is in very good shape and we've left both marital and individual counseling. I would write more but I'm fighting with a bad breathing problem and bronchitis at the moment and am not firing on all cylinders.

But I do want you to know there's hope. I have done a lot of posting, if you look especially at the Personal Stories section that's where I start most of my threads. Hopefully reading some of that might help in the meantime. I'm planning on getting back on the board as soon as I'm well. I just wanted to say hi.

AG

SBRAHP

I just wanted to welcome you to the boards. I don't have any great advice for you, but I hope you stick around. I'm sorry you are in such a difficult bind.

transference is so hard to figure out. what part one SHOULD allow themself to have...what is 'too much', unhealthy, unnatural....


seems this topic makes all the t's i have seen nervous...me too, i guess, as we have never talked about it directly.

some dependence and attachment is necessary, but it has to be RECEIVED warmly. and that is what is so hard for them, i guess. to draw the line on what is healthy warmth, and too much. all i can say is, there has NEVER been enough warmth emitted towards me...i am sure this points to my inability to SEE warmth, to recognize it, to NOT dismiss it as manipulation, or insincere bulls**t. i hate to say, but, what i have read of carl rogers, i agree, but, i just think i wouldn't accept it as REAL...and to what i would need to pass my 'lie detector test' of sincere caring?? i guess, too much....herein lies the problem.

a toughie, for sure. but, i am looking for a mommy and a daddy...got a lover.

jill

My T said my emotional volume setting is to high, meaning I can't hear or see what I do have, this comes from having to stretch myself at to young an age to try and find any warmth as a baby and onwards and I dont recognise normal levels of caring.

some may say thats put the onus on me, but its not like that, its true, my emotional hearing level is set very high and I reject anything that doesn't scream at me, trying to accept a normal level of caring causes to much anxiety for me I can't stay still to let myself have it.

Thanks for all the responses. It is comforting to know that I'm not alone. I guess my big question is, will this go away? I'm hoping that the frequency of my sessions will decline, and as it does, I will slowly get over this. Of coarse, every time I go back, it will be another hurdle.

Ugh, I thought by getting married, I would be done with these types of feelings (feelings of heart break). I've been married for 8 years and I haven't felt like this for about 12 years. I'm trying to convince myself that I still love my wife. I've done a good job of making my T and my wife believe that I still love my wife. I'm putting on a great act. Every time I look at my wife, I think about my misplaced feelings. I wish I could redirect the feelings I have for my T towards my wife.

Thanks again.

I don't knonw if the feelings go away or if they just change in intensity and the type of feeling. For example I have had erotic transference for my P and it happens when I am really anxious and panicking. By him being reassuring and not running away from me and my feelings those feelings have changed and lessened but still rear their ugly head when I am panicking.

quote:

I've done a good job of making my T and my wife believe that I still love my wife. I'm putting on a great act.

One thing I would say is try and be as honest as possible about your feelings with your T, they cannot help you if they don't know how you really feel.

My feelings for my P never changed the way I felt about my husband, he has stood by me forever even when the going has been really rough.

I also think that transference is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, the longing and the heartache, but I am hoping that there will be healing and a huge lessening in my anxiety levels.

Hope any of that helps, feel free to come and chat about it anytime, sometimes it helps to know you aren't the only one going through this.

There is no easy answer when it comes to dealing with transference. It is powerful and painful and can be very helpful or hurtful depending on how it is handled. Not all T's will address it, not all T's can handle it, and judging from a lot of discussions just on this board, very few T's seem to be able to handle it well. After reading many of the discussions about transference here on MyShrink I decided to bring up the subject with my T by first just asking what transference was. This was the only way I could think of to bring it up without tipping my hand about my feelings for her. Her answer helped me to judge whether or not it would be safe to tell her more. Maybe this is the tacit you could try with your marriage T. Doing this in a session without your wife would probably be easier I would think.

Until therapy I had strong transference to certain women I worked with over the yrs...now since therapy I no longer have such transference. I use to see a woman at work,something about the way she looked would trigger the need to be taken care off and I would almost stalk them

quote:

guidetopsychology.com

Thats a good bit on info June. Thanks!

quote:

But with my old T,once transference got its feet under the table with her,all of it stopped with other people.why is that? anyone know? how come I'm not like it with lots of people ,but only have one person that i have these feelings with?It is a bit odd really.......Hmmmmmmmm

I think because when it was with other people outside therapy, it was mainly fantasy, in our heads, with a therapist we get to voice the feelings and get REAL responses and caring.

Hi I am new to this site, I actually found it by googling transference. lol. I've read through almost every single post on here regarding it. I found great comfort in the things said.

I've been having sexual thoughts about my therapist recently, who is a female by the way. And it's really been creeping me out. I do find her to be very attractive. But then again, I think everyone is attractive except me. I have a extreme self-hatred and I am extremely overweight. I often feel uncomfortable in her presence or people in general simply because I feel so ugly. I don't want to have sexual thoughts about her. I must admit I do struggle with my sexuality, so that makes it even worse and more confusing. I've been only seeing her for about 5 months twice a week. I've had a lot of therapist come in and go throughout my time in counseling. There is so many questions I want to ask and so much I want to say, but I am just so overwhelmed by all of it I guess. I don't have any friends. And the only social contact I have with the world besides my co-workers, who don't really talk with me is my therapist. The dynamics have definitely been interesting.

I really do like my therapist a lot. I just wish I understood why I have the feelings I do and why now? Even though I've had counselors in the past, I've only had one that I got really close too. She moved away though, I don't think I've ever grieved that loss. I think I was afraid to at the time, I think I dunno. I often think about her alot, and the time I had with her and I find myself filled with longing and emptiness at the same time. I wonder will I ever find someone who's just like her? It's very hard to think about. I miss her deeply.

These relationship attachments make me scared and I am not sure what's normal anymore. I mean the current therapist I am seeing right now, she is very sweet like the therapist that moved away that I was close to but at times something just seems to be missing. I feel guilty for my unsettledness at times. I know that my current therapist, will never be my old one and I shouldn't compare the too. But I often do.

I am just really scared of the place I am with my therapist. You see, there are a lot of things that, ugh I dunno. There's just so much inside of me that I've been thinking about and obsessing about and I had no one to talk about it with not even my therapist because she went away for the holiday season for 2 weeks and didn't even let me know that she was going away until 2 days before she left. I didn't think it would be big deal, but after she was gone, I was all alone.

I have no one. No friends. My family is in a completely different state, and at that we aren't close and practically don't talk. I hate to say it, but it's true right now...all I have is her and it stinks. Because she is so inconsistent and undependable. Heck, I can't even call her and know that she will return my phone call.

I met with her yesterday for the first time since she's been back, and here I was anxious and eager to see her because I missed her. I had all these things inside of dying to see her and share. Needless to say the session did not go as plan. And there is always more on my heart and going on in my life than what our hour allows to talk about. I just feel so darn stuck and frustrated.

I know that she cares deeply for me. And at our last session before the holidays she actually said "I love you", while hugging me. And I've never heard a therapist say that before to me. So I was a little surprised and I asked her to say it again and she did. I wanted to say it back so badly, but I was scared. I was scared to let her get close to me or whatever. Even when she hugs me at the end of our sessions, I so badly want to rest in her embrace, but I am so scared. And I can remember when we first started counseling, I so desperately wanted her to be close, touch and hug me and she didn't and I was angry. But now she does show those gestures quite freely, and I literally freeze and tense up. How come the very thing I want and crave, I fear or don't know how to enjoy it. She scares me and yet at the same time makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

I don't know what's going on. I know that for the first time in therapy I am beginning to talk about some really important traumatic things in depth, unlike before in previous therapies. So maybe that's it. I've also have had a really tough year, and just tough life time and have had several people just dropp out of my life without any clue as to why. There is just so much going on and on top of this these weird feelings toward my therapist. Combined with confusion on my sexuality and religious beliefs. I feel so lost and alone.

Can anyone else relate or understand. I am so sorry that I wrote so much. I just feel so vulnerable and alone.

Hi PP
I am sorry that you are alone especially with all the holidays at this time of the year. I don't know too much about transference but i imagine your T saying she loves you would certainly add to the confusion. What i do know is that transference is irrespective of sexual orientation and doesn't seem to care about thinks like male and female.

It is also hard and painful to go through and i just wanted to say that i do understand and relate and that you are not alone.

Pan

Saw my T today in a session. I always leave feeling so good and happy. That feeling usually tapers off into feelings of heartbreak as the day goes by. The feeling is starting to turn right now and I just want to feel happy and good. This definitely sucks.

Oh
I can sooo relate to that statement StuckBetweenRock and HardPlace. I just hate it the day after my session. I have to wait 2 weeks between session

Hi Passionate Pursuit, and welcome to the forum! I found this site by googling "transference" too. And I read all the threads on it before jumping in as well. So I can really relate.

I'm sorry you are feeling so much pain and confusion over the feelings you are having for your therapist, and about therapy in general. A lot of us have been there, done that, and have the T-shirt (well, actually, I don't have the T-shirt yet, but I'm working on it ). I recognize a LOT of my thoughts and feelings in what you described, so no, you are definitely not alone.

Have you been able to talk about the feelings you are having with your current T? If not, do you think she would be open to it?

I'm glad you found this site and hope you can draw some encouragement and hope from us, no matter where we are on our therapy journies.

Take care,
SG

IrishRose,

Welcome to the forum! It's good to have you here.

Wow, you have really been through the ringer with your T huh? I read your story and I can't help but think that there is definite counter-transference going on. It sounds like T has perhaps crossed some boundaries and then either regretted it or I don't know what. I am shocked that she didn't tell you of her impending lengthy absence until right before. I don't ever think that is a good idea, but I know different T's handle it differently. I'm wondering if perhaps she was angry that you didn't reach out and call her while she was gone? Was she angry with you on some level because she didn't feel needed? I don't know.

I was happy to read that she allowed you to come back and was hoping that meant things had been worked out and were better but I see there are continued issues. I think it is critical to have a very honest and open discussion with your T about this because it seems like it could lead to you getting hurt very badly. Whether she will admit that there are issues or not is another story, but I think it is worth bringing up.

Good luck to you and keep us posted!

IrishRose,

She is the professional and it is HER job to maintain the boundaries in the relationship. I can understand being afraid to address the issues because you fear losing her, but it sounds like you fear losing her either way.