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11 replies

Talking to ducks

L longroadMember
Hi Everyone,

A few weeks ago in one of my sessions My T asked me if I would engage in an "activity" with her. To which I replied sure. She gestured towards several different small plastic ducks that sit on an offset table between us. She knows that I feel both anger and compassion towards my father who was neglectful and emotionally abusive towards me growing up. She asked me to pick out three ducks. One was to represent me. The other two would represent the father I feel anger towards, and the one I felt compassion for. One by one I was to position the ducks to face each other and tell her what I would say to each of the two ducks representing my father.

I tried to "get into" activity as much as I could but I couldn't help but feel awkward talking to these plastic duck representations of my father. I don't mean to make light of the activity, but it just felt odd. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Did it make you feel uncomfortable? Was it helpful? Thank you for sharing any insight you might have about this.

LongRoad
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L lieseMember
(((LONGROAD))

My therapist doesn't have me talk to ducks in particular but she does want me to put them all in a row. Oh, okay, I know that was bad.

My therapist actually has me use stuffed animals. I too feel silly doing it but do it anyway because I think it might help connect the emotional part of the brain to the verbal. It helps me put your feelings into words so that the next time a similar situation comes up, I will have the resources for recognizing it and dealing with it.

(((JONES)))

Love the cartoon.
affinityaffinityMember
(((Longroad)))

My T once attempted some inner child work with me and asked if there were anything in the room we could use to represent her so we could talk to her. My T has an assortment of dolls on the back of his couch (Freud, Dali Lama, the Scream), but nothing seemed remotely appropriate. It was super awkward, and I couldn't go through with it.

If this is work you're going to be doing for a few sessions, would it make you more comfortable to bring in your own figurines? I have a little stuffed black cat that I take to hold during tough sessions for just that reason.
L longroadMember
Hi Everyone,

Thank you all for your replies. I'm sure this is an effective tool for T to use with some clients. Perhaps if I were to do it again a few times I wouldn't feel so awkward. So far she has only asked my once to do it and that was a few sessions ago so I'm not sure if it will be an ongoing thing. I have another session tonight, so I'll see if she decides to use it again this evening. Thank you (((Liese))) and (((Affinity))) for the suggestions of using some other neutral type of object. If she wants to pursue this type of activity I may suggest that.

LongRoad
MallardMallardMember
I've used stones before to look at my family relationships. I like stones because you can touch them and feel them and you can either do it intuitively or deliberately pick stones with features that you think fit different people.

I didn't talk to the stones - it was more a conversation about how I'd arranged them and why I'd chosen each stone. Pretty enlightening actually but not the same as you're saying.

Some therapists use an empty chair so you don't need to think of an object - I personally find that kind of work quite difficult as I feel quite vulnerable and not that safe.

I agree that being able to pick your own object might work better. Gives you much more ownership and control over the process. And of course, you don't have to do it if it doesn't feel helpful or therapeutic. Different techniques work better for different people.
kmaykmayMember
Hi LongRoad,

My old T tried to have me do that, but she wanted me to pretend she was my abuser and it was just too awkward. I couldn't bring myself to even get close to angry at "her". I never have been able to do any sort of role playing thing. The empty chair thing that Jillian referenced doesn't sound quite as scary, although I would have to do it with my back to T. I have too much shame. I hope you and T can find something that works b/c I do get the idea of it and thing it can be healing.
ljbljbMember
LongRoad,

What your T had you doing sounds a lot like Family Constellations Work, which my T had me do a couple months ago. We only have done it two times so far. And yes, it was VERY unusual. But he had me repeating things to the figurines, which, in my case, were wooden cut out people that I could pick from. He also had things called "metas" that I could include in the constellation...things like hope, health, shame, guilt, etc.

The whole experience really affected me because I kept thinking about it days upon days afterwards. The second time I did it, it didn't seem quite so unusual. I told myself it is probably a type of modality that gets easier to accept over time. (I remember thinking--c'mon...really? Talking to dolls???) But, I researched it and did find that it is a theraputic technique. You can Google it, too and find the research.

Good Luck with your theraputic journey.

LJB

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