Erotic Transference & Angry With Therapist Lesbian


Ended with my lesbian therapist in May, after seeing her every week for about 4 months.

I only started with therapy properly about 1 years ago, whilst in my early 40's. Was not sure about my sexuality, even though I had never been romantically involved with men. Had been in a gay relationship in my 20's, however, I felt so badly treated the last woman I was in a relationship with, that I have been single ever since (that's now 13 years)

Had to deal with the unexpected death of my mother in April, so I thought that by giving up therapy would be a better idea. Also, the therapist was the first person I spoke to on the day my mum actually died.

Lesbian therapist was become a little flirty in some of the sessions, prior to my mum's death, and on my termination session I noticed that she look very angry when I mentioned that one of my female friends was going to help me out with my mum's funeral. On to of that, she held onto my hand when I went to shake it, at the end of the termination session. We are both 'not' straight and I had feelings for my therapist, which I know is quite normal and is called transference.

Went back to have one session with the lesbian therapist in June and felt awkward, since I still had feelings for her. Wrote to my therapist about the feelings and the fact that I felt awkward continuing with the treatment. She wrote back and said that she will refer me to someone else, and I was not to feel that I was being abandoned or rejected. (just lost my mum, that's back enough)

Forgot about the therapist and moved on with my life and bereavement. I November, I received a spam email from google, that said that my ex therapist had setup a new profile on Google plus. I was shocked at the receiving the email, although I knew that she had not sent it. I started to feel extreme anger for my ex therapist and sent some very angry emails to her about being to flirty in therapy and causing me more pain with the termination. Most therapists try to help their client with difficult feelings, but she just referred me to someone else ! Also, by looking at the Google profile, I discovered that my ex therapist is a long term relationship with a women.
I felt cheated, since I wondered why she wanted to flirt with me, make intimate eye contact with me, when she was in such a secure relationship with someone else. I have been single for some 13 years, and have trouble finding a relationship, let alone a long term one. I also said in my email that I felt that she viewed me as a sad, pathetic client who could not have a relationship with anyone, therefore I deserved to be treated with disrespect. I also heard her say the words, 'racist' and 'dry drunk' in sessions that I had straight after my mum died. Guess what, her girlfriend is a woman of colour and ex therapist is white.

I have never had a reply to 'any' of the emails, I know I am using the correct email address. However, I am trying to obtain any notes from my ex therapist, so I can pass them onto a new one, if I need to. I may need to go to a regulatory body in order to get the files.

I feel totally ignored and discounted by the ex therapist and, the whole thing has meant that I don't really wish to have much one-to-one therapist in the future. Know that I have issues with rejection, being ignored and not being listened to, since I had a difficult childhood. Maybe I could has worked these problems out, but I not not given the opportunity to do this with ex therapist.

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