Hi, Suzy and welcome!

I agree with everything said above.

While my mom is not an alcoholic, she is a sociopath. I would love very much to have a relationship with her, and I've tried periodically with disastrous results. And it has required much work with my T.

I don't mean to be a downer with my experience but share it because if you decide to connect with him, and it doesn't go so well, do you have support you would need? Actually, whether it goes great or not so great, it seems that it will stir up a lot (and most likely already has) so do you have support now?

Wishing you peace as you wrestle with this!

Hi everyone and thank you so much for your advice. I didnt mention that I am seeing a counsellor for loads of issues I didnt even realize I had. But the main thing we talk about now is my dad. I am told that I am really afraid of abandonment. I please people to feel people like me. The issues with my dad cause me a lot of sadness I think as I get very upset. I have no support network around me. My mother doesn't want to know, she said she would disown me if I talked to my dad. I dont think she would do that but lets just say she probably wouldnt want to speak to me again. My sister hates him and is not interested in speaking to him but then she seeks male for company and is afraid to be alone so she goes from one bad relationship to another. I dont mind being alone but I do feel lonely like noone cares about me. My brother ...I dont see him much, and I dont really think he is interested in talking to our dad either. We were brought up by my mum. I dont think he could change but I would like to know what he has to say. Yet I did message him once to his message and he didnt reply, just kept saying get in touch which I found strange so I blocked him but now I unblocked him. I dont really believe I will get any answers from him as to why did he choose alcohol over us and now we are a lot older he wants to play daddy. But not knowing and not being able to tell him how angry I am with him feels bad and I carry the hurt with me all the time. So thats why I dont know what to do

Hi Suzy,

My heart goes out to you. I'm sure I would find myself in a difficult bind if I had to make that decision. I also had an alcoholic father that was emotionally abusive to me. He died rather suddenly while I was still living at home many moons ago, so I was never in your situation. I'm sure I'd feel quite torn about whether I would make contact or not. If nothing else I would have sent him a scathing email letting him know how much he hurt me, and asking him why he never said he loved me, or was proud of me, or why he pushed me away. Which he did to my siblings too. I hope you are able to find an answer that's right for you.

LongRoad

Hi Longroad. To be honest I am not sure I want him to know how much he hurt me. And im afraid to ask any questions as I dont believe he will answer them. Im also afraid to be honest in case he says something that will upset me or make me angry. I mean im already amgry as it is. I dont even think he could offer me a relationship because really I dont even know him. God its so weird having a father but not knowing anything about him apart from the fact that he was an alcoholic. Life is not fair