Classical Personal Therapy Stories

I shut him out

affinity
(((TAS))) This was my T's reason for the no email policy: You're right, my T is a good, sound therapist. Which is why I hope I can work through this. (((AG))) I think you're right. As I talked about abandonment yesterday, I felt my childhood losses so profoundly. I knew it was bad, but I didn't know just how much I had blocked off mentally and emotionally. Coming face-to-face with the depth of it nearly threw me into despair. I know I need to talk about this stuff. I will try. (((TN)))...Read More...
Hey LilTeaBag, Lol..well does your T work full time at College as well? Maybe you should PM me where you live? Don't freak out...all is good Do you know how to private message? (PM). Where are you trying to post? What section? I have never had one say "request being processed". But what you can do, if you can private message, is message True North. She is a co-moderator for the Forum, so she can help you with that. Let me know if you have any other questions. It is such a great support...Read More...
I especially appreciate this talk about therapists offering good feelings, as I'm at that stage in therapy, too. I've finally admitted to Transference and I'm so relieved. T has said all my child feelings, even back to 1 yrs. old, are welcome. What a wonderful, yet scary, feeling!! But I'm not ready for touch, even tho I probably will be. I feel it's great that we all can come here and express whatever we experience. I'm OK that you, PF, and others, are receiving some good vibes from your T.Read More...

Last Session

Hi MsC - I’m so glad for the aha moment! I love those! Hi TAS - You didn’t ramble at all. I’m so sorry it’s taken me awhile to reply. I am sorry to hear about your mom’s overdose and that you found her. I can’t imagine the confusion, sadness, and pain surrounding that and being a toddler not knowing what to do with all those feelings. I can see how strong young attachment feelings can be triggered by someone safe. I have a toddler and his tantrums when I leave the house give me a glimpse...Read More...
Hi Yaku... glad you are basically feeling good and are doing well with missing a session. I'm not good with dreams but I would say that having T hold you in a blanket while you sleep has to be such a wonderful feeling. How utterly safe and cared for that feels. And then "S" seemed like a threat to having that hug or ability to snuggle with T. Then you wake up and are without T so it feels like a loss which can leave you feeling out of sorts. I know that when I wake from a super lovely dream...Read More...

I want my T!

affinity
Thanks, Beestung. I still really miss my T, but at least I know he'll be at session tomorrow! I'm sorry to hear you're going through the same attachment angst. I've been struggling with attachment for weeks (I can't even utter the word in front of T), but it finally seems to be happening on its own. With or without my permission, I'm not sure. Yes, this dream is incredibly layered. I didn't even include all of the details (a big one being that there was an unmade bed, instead of a couch, in...Read More...

The challenge of an unexpected "break"

Hi Jillann. Thanks for your reply. It helped to get me to think (which is a lot of what this rambling is). With the ED, I eat variety and maintain a stable, healthy weight that is much higher than I would have ever been okay with. I monitor my intake on my own and do know about how many calories I eat - though I am not afraid to go out to eat or to try samples at a farmer's market (normal things that were once terrifying). Of course, my mom always sees me as too small or too restrictive. I...Read More...

Talking to ducks

LongRoad, What your T had you doing sounds a lot like Family Constellations Work, which my T had me do a couple months ago. We only have done it two times so far. And yes, it was VERY unusual. But he had me repeating things to the figurines, which, in my case, were wooden cut out people that I could pick from. He also had things called "metas" that I could include in the constellation...things like hope, health, shame, guilt, etc. The whole experience really affected me because I kept...Read More...
Thanks beesting for your reply and sharing your experience. I have the 'I'm too much' for my T thing too. My T comes bake after a 5 week holiday on the other side of the world and I'm feeling like shit when I think about telling her how hard it's been while she's away and how much I'm strulgging. She's just had a vacation and it FEELS like ill drive her into needing another one. Which is exactly what my pdoc was trying to tell me - It WON'T drive her to feel desperate or needing another...Read More...

new member/erotic transference/stop or go on

Hi Affinity, Yes no doubt the crying was a sign of real empathy. My point was that this, more than any voluntary disclosure or personal sharing, deepened the connection. As for what she has shared beyond the norm for her, i believe it has mostly been of an incremental nature, tho don't know for sure. I saw her yesterday and she actually brought up that boundaries have become a little too fluid with me. Not in the way of romantic insinuations, but rather things like going over the allotted...Read More...
Hi, (((Kmay))). Thanks for replying. My T did say he had a busy weekend and hadn't gotten around to it yet. I knew ahead of time it was a possibility and specifically asked when I sent it that he tell me at the beginning of the session the status, so I wouldn't worry about it. I just didn't anticipate how hard it would be knowing it was hanging out there. He offered to read it then and there, but I couldn't handle being in the room while he did. As for the breathing, ibalready have counting...Read More...

sorry.. substitute for email to T

puppet
hi kmay, its really nice to see you again! sorry for the delayed response, during the week i'm in 'functional' mode and dont check in that often. wow, i think its really courageous to do this program in groups, i hope it helps you. thanks for what you said about the time thing, i've been thinking the same, i can see myself just getting obsessive about that and not being able to do anything else. i think i need to talk to T about it to have it more in the open, so then i can focus on other...Read More...
Thanks (((liese))) and (((caroola))). I am SO GLAD I emailed her. I got a reply this morning and I hadn't realised until I felt huge relief, yhat part of me was expecting her to NOT reply - that she had made an empty promise; she disnt mean it when she said I can email her while she's on holiday... a short reply - best bit is at the end when she said 'see you at your next app Friday week". It was half a day past 2 weeks when she said it but its what I needed to hear so badly.. I hugged my...Read More...
Hi True North - Thank you so much for reading and replying to my post. As I read your reply, everything you wrote resonated with me. Thanks for putting to words what I could not. I do feel very disconnected with T1 and feel like I shouldn't. I was quite angry with him a few weeks ago, but then it transitioned to being numb. Maybe it just turned into repressed anger. I am starting to attach to T2. I only have two more sessions with her, but I am thankful for her reliability and stability. I...Read More...

Little update ..

hi anna, nice to see you again and i'm glad things are going well for now, although it sounds pretty painful not having the certainty of appointments with your T being so busy... i hope you continue to get the help that you need. puppetRead More...

Shall we engage?

I took another peek because I forgot to turn off auto notification and saw there was a reply. CAN'T ignore that! Auto notification off now but, Liese, thank you - your reply made me smile. I'd like to see a thread about "disobedience" w/r/t T's guidance - when do we think we know better than T and were proven right or wrong; if wrong, did we do it again, etc. Oh, wait, I won't get to see it. Must. Sign off. Now.Read More...

Repairing and Reconnecting

True North
Oh, TN, I'm so glad for you, that your T is willing and knowledgeable about the inner child work! I wish I could see your T, and then I would know that my inner child stuff would be treated with respect and wisdom. I'm almost at the place where you are, just beginning to trust the T to treat the child so neglected and abused. Yet, I'm not sure my T knows and treats Transference like yours does. I know I would get well with that wise treatment. I just hope you can stay with it and trust more...Read More...
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